oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
