He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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