that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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