I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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