i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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