o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
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I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
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I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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