3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
