We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
If I die, sorry about rent.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
