my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
