So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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