I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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