I need to stop coming to work sober
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
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It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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