Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
