There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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