hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
