the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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