Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
