We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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