Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
