last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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