Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
