Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
