i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
