I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
