You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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