I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??