bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.