I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
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Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
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All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room