your parents love me but you hate me
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.