Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.