We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.