apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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