dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I enjoy the company of your penis