If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
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i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
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The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???