wrigley field is MILF paradise
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.