Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
