that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
