I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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