Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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