yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
