How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
