White coat. Heels.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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