Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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