oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
