I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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