Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
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Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
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my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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