I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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