YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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