i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
