So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
