he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
