a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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