Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Dating After Heartbreak
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.