Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
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