I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE