Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.