i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
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I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn