Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?

  (305): View more from Florida

  Its worth a shot.

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  (918): Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits? (305): Its worth a shot. http://tfl.nu/0784
  Replies (9) Good night (1260) Bad night (2707)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.

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  (404): Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating. http://tfl.nu/1th0
  Replies (23) Good night (5983) Bad night (672)
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  Clearly I made an impression.

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Or at least your vagina did.

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  (520): Clearly I made an impression. (404): Or at least your vagina did. http://tfl.nu/bank
  Replies (9) Good night (4856) Bad night (980)
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.

  (219): View more from Indiana

  You said that last year...

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  (260): Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate. (219): You said that last year... http://tfl.nu/7qlf
  Replies (18) Good night (2056) Bad night (5508)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.

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  (203): Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more. http://tfl.nu/bcah
  Replies (31) Good night (5507) Bad night (1176)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...

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  (+44): got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night... http://tfl.nu/vdnw
  Replies (11) Good night (2880) Bad night (1004)
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.

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  (808): No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager. http://tfl.nu/g78j
  Replies (7) Good night (1687) Bad night (885)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there

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  (413): I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there http://tfl.nu/ehji
  Replies (16) Good night (2780) Bad night (917)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom

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  (612): Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom http://tfl.nu/d012
  Replies (5) Good night (1599) Bad night (737)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.

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  (832): you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/gkpj
  Replies (7) Good night (940) Bad night (2692)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.

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  (910): Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap. http://tfl.nu/jw87
  Replies (4) Good night (1323) Bad night (1067)
• Favorite

  (435): View more from Utah

  It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.

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  (435): It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk. http://tfl.nu/lvra
  Replies (1) Good night (957) Bad night (345)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.

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  (330): That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's. http://tfl.nu/6ug9
  Replies (0) Good night (303) Bad night (667)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?

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  (248): Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me? http://tfl.nu/52b0
  Replies (1) Good night (491) Bad night (256)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Naked. naked and bneed help.

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  (510): Naked. naked and bneed help. http://tfl.nu/5da4
  Replies (1) Good night (188) Bad night (257)

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