ADVERTISEMENT

• (419): View more from Ohio

  I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.

  Fav 23 1937 1560

  share tweet
  

• (559): View more from California

  my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.

  Fav 20 4024 1115

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?

  Fav 22 2303 4409

  share tweet
  

• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"

  Fav 13 8017 1390

  share tweet
  
• 

  23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (919): View more from North Carolina

  She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!

  Fav 16 11109 1321

  share tweet
  

• (609): View more from New Jersey

  they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.

  Fav 11 1219 5283

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (480): View more from Arizona

  There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.

  Fav 4 990 3142

  share tweet
  

• (908): View more from New Jersey

  i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair

  Fav 21 7497 1424

  share tweet
  

• (813): View more from Florida

  Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.

  Fav 7 1561 1085

  share tweet
  
• 

  These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (706): View more from Georgia

  Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?

  Fav 0 918 1440

  share tweet
  

• (217): View more from Illinois

  my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever

  Fav 2 1559 676

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (503): View more from Oregon

  Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house

  Fav 5 1140 638

  share tweet
  

• (714): View more from California

  So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.

  Fav 5 734 542

  share tweet
  

• (+81): View more from

  And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.

  Fav 1 775 510

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (607): View more from New York

  Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.

  Fav 0 532 887

  share tweet
  

Randomize