walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
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