all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
