if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
