Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
