Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
