I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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