I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
