you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
