I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize