It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
