This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you traded sex for a burrito?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
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