i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
