Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Sext me about skeletons
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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