no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...