I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE