It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
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he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
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Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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