this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
