the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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