My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.