So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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