we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
