WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
