Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
